Why I Drink
by Dance of the Crazed
Summary: Cosmo's rantings. [Shock Treatment Fic]


**A/N: Wow…the idea just randomly came to me while I was making food for myself. Anyway, this is a Shock Treatment Fic.**

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I never really drank as much as I do now. Before my sister and I started running our "Happy House" I would occasionally drink wine, but now I down it like crazy. There are a few major reasons why I've become, well, an alcoholic. But where to begin?

Ah, yes. Brad. Even though I rarely see him, I can definitely hear him. What a pair of lungs this urchin had! He's even gagged! The only thing that silenced him was his meds, Janet, and Winston. Oh, Brad just loved it every time Winston paid him a visit. Winston was the name of my tazer that has enough volts in it to kill an elephant. Yet, why this cur is still living is beyond my thinking capacity. The poor fool. He still cares for his beloved wife, Janet Weiss.

Janet…She was so into herself to even remember who the hell Brad even was! Sure, she used to care for him, but now she is a self-centered bitch. Always trotting about in the hallways, showing off her little black dress. I should never even have made that damned thing. It would look better on someone sexier. Someone with less vanity. Someone like my dear sister.

Nation McKinley. Yes, she was one of nature's finer delicacies. But, there was a problem in paradise. (Or Hell, which ever one would call my mental institution…) She was the biggest tease. That woman would lead you on one moment and drop you the next. She was like that to everyone. Especially, Bert and me.

And, oh god, Bert. Every time he was near my sister he would flirt with her. It was non-stop. He gave up on trying to get anywhere with Janet because of the obvious fact that Janet ignored everyone around her. Thus, he would get no where. So, he goes over to the one he's been crushing on since he saw her. And he's too afraid of Nurse Ansalong.

But, who isn't? Ansalong could talk you to insanity. Maybe that is why she fits so nicely in the "Happy House" family. Because all of the people she talks to have one too many lose screws.

Welcome to my muse!

Now, I'd like to show you an average day in the "Happy House."

I wake up from Brad's screaming. I could, sadly, make out what he was crying out, what he 99.9 of the time yelled out. The name of his wife. Too bad she was too deep in her beauty sleep to care. I refuse to get up at first, but eventually do for I can't stand that emotional cripple's whaling. Lazily, I sit up. Before I'm even able to stretch and stand a leg wrapped around my waist. Then, another leg came around to rest on one of my legs. That leg gave me a tight squeeze. The other wonderful leg, soon after, did the same. It seems that, this morning, the predator had caught her prey.

"Good morning, sleepy head." Nation greeted, beginning to massage my back.

"Please, Nation I need to go calm our guest." I try to say firmly, but each time she moved her hands at the right spots on my back I grew weaker.

Nation remained at one spot for a while compared to the rest of my back, "My, this is some knot you've got on your shoulder. Are you stressed, Cosmo?"

Of course I was, but I wasn't going to tell her that.

"No," I lied, "Why would I be?"

We both heard Brad scream. I winced.

"I wonder." Nation knew better than to believe me sometimes.

To my surprise and delight, I felt Nation's chest against my back. Her whole body was pressed up against me.

Brad continued to howl.

"Sister I ne-" But, with her sudden decision to kiss the back of my head made me silence.

"You don't need to move, Cosmo. I'm sure Ansalong will take care of every thing." Her breath was warm on my neck. I shivered.

Her lips covered my neck with gentle kisses. She moved slowly, now, brushing her lips against me. She reached the tip of me ear and stopped. I wondered if she was done taunting me. She soon adjusted herself so that she sat, facing me, in my lap. Her legs squeezed me again. Apparently not.

Our fore heads touched and she starred at me. No, she was studying me. Actually, this was slightly off. Normally, she would have skipped off on her marry way right now, but she kept looking at me. I felt hot all over. I begged silently for her to move now and save me the pain or let me take her. Nation kissed my lips, and then gave me the same stare. Her hand slid down to my chest. My heart was about to fly out from my chest. I could tell she knew that too because she chuckled at me. Oh, and the surprises kept coming. Right after her small chuckle she forced me to fall backward and kissed me. It was a rough kiss, but why would I care? This small make out session on the bed lasted only two minutes before she pushed me aside and headed out the door.

Without even a second glance she simply said, "See you at breakfast!"

I just lay there with my mouth gaped open.

Some time after I decide to get dressed and go to our dinning room. I run into Ansalong as I exit my room. She was just as perky as ever.

"Mornin' Doc!" She greeted, waving her hand rapidly near my face.

I groaned.

"Nation sent me to get you, but I guess you already got up yourself!"

"How observant of you." I hissed.

"I know, I know!" She grinned, missing my insult, "By the way, today's morning special is some delicious soup!"

"Oh, joy." I sighed

"Boy, do I love soup! It's so good!"

Can you believe I only walked seven steps?

Walking from my room to the dinning room doesn't take long at all, but with Ansalong chattering about anything and everything the trip seemed never ending. As soon as we reached the room I sat down across from my sister. We were sitting close to the end of our long silver table. Bert was already smitten with my sister.

"This is so wonderful, Nation! Best soup I've ever tasted." He sounded a bit over dramatic over a bowl of soup.

"Oh it's nothing special, really." Nation smiled.

"And dinner the other day…It was fantastic!" Bert said and clapped his hands together.

Nation giggled.

Ansalong and Ricky rolled their eyes.

I was already reaching for the wine bottle. I pored myself a glass and drank some.

Bert went on, "But I noticed you didn't serve desert."

Nation shrugged.

Bert leaned towards her, "Will desert be served tonight? I'm sure your deserts are…your specialty."

I heard Ansalong and Ricky snicker at Bert crude comment. It sickened me.

My sister and Bert's eye contact remained for a while. Nation was toying with him and he was undressing her with his eyes. At least that's what I assumed.

"I'm sorry Bert, I seldom make dessert." Nation said grabbing my wine bottle.

"Oh, but surely you'd let me have a taste?" Bert was a persistent one.

Nation pored herself a glass, "Sorry."

Bert slammed his fist on the table, which caused everyone to stare at him.

"Who the hell is special enough to have some of your dessert?!" He snapped.

Nation didn't like his tone. Her eye said it all.

"Only one person in this room, Bert." Nation simply said.

Ricky and Ansalong exchanged looks to see if the other person knew the answer. I was confused.

"Cosmo." She smiled before sipping her wine.

I noticed Ricky and Ansalong gawk at me. My eyes widened, I was just as shocked as they were.

"What?" Bert was in total disbelief.

Nation continued drinking.

"You fuck your own brother?!" He barked up.

"Yes." Nation said.

I choked on my drink. It was amusing that Bert was getting all worked up over this.

He swung around to me, eyes blazing, "Is this true?"

I glanced at my sister for approval. She nodded.

"Yes and every bit of it, delicious." I grinned.

Bert hit the table again before storming out. Ansalong and Ricky starred stupidly at us, and then quietly left.

Once the door shut Nation laughed.

"That was hilarious! Did you see Bert's face?"

I chuckled, "Yes. Priceless."

We rose from our seats and walking to the doors, "Oh I loved your little comment too!" Nation was almost in tears she was laughing so hard.

"What?" I asked

"'Yes and every bit of it, delicious.'" She mimicked.

"How can you deal with that poor excuse for a man?" I questioned.

She was still giggling, "Boys aren't that difficult to deal with, Cosmo. Not difficult at all."

After we went our own ways I head for Brad. He started howling not too long ago. I kick open the doors and stepped in. My appearance startled him. Then he started to flail wildly. Behind my back was Winston, and we both knew that. With each step I took, his movement went crazier. I opened his cage and shut the door behind me. He lashed as much as he could. I had a grinned engraved on my face ever since I walked in the room. Brad whined for Janet. He was a lost cause.

It would be difficult to shock him in this state. So, I point suddenly behind him, "Look! It's Janet!"

The poor fool always falls for that old trick. Once that man's head turned, I shocked his neck. He screamed and slumped in his wheelchair. I was proud of myself, yet couldn't help but to feel pity for him. I guess he really loved Janet, but she had forgotten all about him.

And, luckily enough after leaving Brad's room I ran into Janet.

She freaked.

"Watch where you're going! You could have killed me!" She screeched.

That was a stupid thing to say. How the bloody hell could I kill her be bumping into her? I even weighed less than the witch!

"I'm sorry I didn't." I tell her and passed her.

She had the nerve to rush up in front of me and stomp on foot. I yowled.

"How dare you say something like that to me?!" She bitched.

I glared at her.

"I swear! No one shows me any respect around here! I hate this place!" She continued bitching.

I was already in a not so pleasant mood, so I shocked her neck. She dropped hard. I stole my hat back and headed for my room.

I hid in that room for the rest of the day. It was quiet, except for the occasional steps tapping past my door and giggles that came along with it. Ricky and Ansalong were running around the whole house. Like two small children they were.

I'm startled to hear Bert's voice over in the next room. And at dinner time too. I listened.

"Oh, _Mon Cher_, will you please stay with me tonight?" He pleaded to, hopefully, not my sister.

"I'm sorry, but I'll have to decline." Well, my hopes were shot to hell.

"Why not? Am I not…desirable?" Bert flattered himself.

"Oh, of course you are…" Nation said with her seductress voice.

The long silence scared me. I wanted to see what was going on.

I heard Bert chuckle softly, "Then, why not sleep with me tonight, _Mon Cher_?"

Nation yawned, "I'm tired. Good night Bert."

I almost laughed at my image of Bert's grief stricken face.

Nation swung open my door and I fall backward, acting like I was never listening to there conversation. My sister locked the door behind her. I pored myself a glass of wine.

"Oh, hello Nation." I greeted.

"Cut the crap, Mac." She said, sitting next to me.

"What?" I act as if I don't know.

"You eased dropped on my and Bert conversation." She took the glass out of my hand.

I was about to speak before her finger tip hushed me.

"You would have been so jealous if I slept with Bert, wouldn't you?" She grinned.

"No," I lied.

She drank my glass of wine, took the bottle from my other hand, and pored a glass for herself.

I watch her as she walked over to the door. She stopped, back facing me, and slipped off her shoes. She was the only woman I knew who could take off her shoes and rouse me.

She turned around, drank her wine, and slipped under the covers. She set the glass down and handed me the bottle.

"Yes, brother, you would be jealous. You're the possessive type." She snickered.

"I'm not possessive." I argued, "Just concerned about you."

"Why be concerned? Do you actually think I may hop in bed with such a pig?" Nation questioned.

I hesitated, "No."

She sat up and smacked my face with her pillow. I blinked. She looked at me as if I was supposed to have a reaction. She hit me again and I just sat there. She gave me a small pout.

"Not playful tonight, I see." She crawled onto my lap. I looked down and already she started to kiss me. At first it was rough, but it slowed down to a wonderfully passionate kiss. I almost dropped my wine bottle, it was so amazing.

She pulled away from me and smiled. I leaned in for another kiss and as soon as I did she lay back down again and faced away from me.

"Goodnight, Cosmo." My sister yawned.

She fell asleep instantly. I'm sitting here, dumbfounded. I sighed as I reached down for my wine bottle. Carelessly, I pop off the cork and drink straight from the bottle. How could I forget that my sister was such a big tease? Some moments I do and some I don't even think about it because it seems so real. Just wishful thinking on my part.

Surprisingly, as much as I disliked this day, I didn't drink even half the bottle of wine tonight.

I hear Ansalong giggle loudly in her room. It was obvious the Ricky was keeping her well entertained. I groaned.

I finally lay down. My sister turned to me, still fast asleep. I run my finger, gently, down her neck, which was enough to wake her. She noticed what I did and grinned at me, with half open eyes. "Trying to take advantage of your helpless sister, eh Mac?"

"No, just admiring your beauty." I smiled back.

"Are you drunk?" She asked.

I paused to think and give her a playful grin, "Maybe…"

She chuckled and kissed my nose. In seconds she drifted back to sleep.

A thought came to mind of realization. I laughed. I shouldn't be concerned about Nation around Bert. Because after the day is through, after all her taunting and teasing, I am the one she sleeps with at the end of the day. Always.

So, reasons why I drink:

An attractive sister that toys with me every chance she has,

Ansalong and Ricky (not so much him) having so much energy that they can run twenty miles and still have the energy to get it on at night,

A selfish bitch,

An emotional cripple,

And a man that wants to get some from my sister but never will.

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**A/N: I expected this to be a shorter one shot. But, I guess not. -laughs- Please review!**


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